


The Broken Truth

by ghostprincesskels



Category: Clexa (The 100), Linctavia (The 100), Minty (The 100), The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, M/M, Returning Home
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:11:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5788222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostprincesskels/pseuds/ghostprincesskels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been five years since Lexa has stepped foot back in her hometown, back in Washington state even. She's only back for one reason, ONLY one reason and that's for Octavia and Lincoln's wedding. Lexa is the youngest of Anya and Lincoln. Being so small, she was the one to always get picked on by her older siblings. If by choice the brunette wouldn't even be here, she wouldn't be back at all. She can't miss her brother and Octavia's wedding so here she is...back in her hometown, back where the pain is still heavy in the air. Five years ago, Lexa left, to never come back, but here she is for a good couple of weeks. Enough time to visit with her family and go to the wedding and leave. She knew it would be hard to return, but she has no one else to blame but herself. Lexa lives with regret, she's tried to go on with her life, and for the most part she does, because when she's away from this place it's easy to forget. It's easy to pretend everything is okay, but she's back so now it's harder to forget. It's hard to not think about the choice she made five years ago.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Broken Truth

It's been five years since Lexa has stepped foot back in her hometown, back in Washington state even. She's only back for one reason, ONLY one reason and that's for Octavia and Lincoln's wedding. Lexa is the youngest of Anya and Lincoln. Being so small, she was the one to always get picked on by her older siblings. If by choice the brunette wouldn't even be here, she wouldn't be back at all. She can't miss her brother and Octavia's wedding so here she is...back in her hometown, back where the pain is still heavy in the air. Five years ago, Lexa left, to never come back, but here she is for a good couple of weeks. Enough time to visit with her family and go to the wedding and leave. She knew it would be hard to return, but she has no one else to blame but herself. Lexa lives with regret, she's tried to go on with her life, and for the most part she does, because when she's away from this place it's easy to forget. It's easy to pretend everything is okay, but she's back so now it's harder to forget. It's hard to not think about the choice she made five years ago.

The brunette got in midday, checked into her hotel room and went straight to bed. Lexa wakes to banging on her door, sleepily she walks and peaks through the door, it's Raven. "Woods wake up! You have ten minutes to get dressed so we can get to the surprise dinner party!" Lexa opens her hotel room door and glares at Raven. "Excuse me for catching up on sleep Reyes!" She grumbled. Lexa hated being woken up, but what could she do? "Your sister has been stalling Lincoln and Octavia trying to buy you some time to get your ass down there!" Raven rolls her eyes. "So get moving  
Woods!" Lexa manages to get dressed rather quickly, in some jeans and a white t-shirt. Grabbing her leather jacket she hurries out the hotel room, right hot on Ravens tail. Lexa has seen her sister and all her friends, though they go to visit her in New York. "So who exactly is at this dinner surprise?" Lexa asks, curious as to what Raven has to say. "Well, there's Monty, Jasper, Murphy, Harper, Miller, Bellamy, Octavia, Lincoln, Anya, and Monroe." Raven replies quickly. Lexa nods. This is good she thought, very good. 

Lexa follows Raven, trying her best to hide behind her. It's suppose to be a surprise for Octavia, being Lexa told her she wouldn't be here until the day before the wedding. "Raven! You made it!" Octavia says excitedly. Right then Lexa pops out from behind her. "Surprise Octavia!" Lexa smiles as she goes to hug her best friend. Leaving this place five years ago, she lost the most important person to her, but that doesn't matter right now because she's here for Octavia and Lincoln's wedding and that's it. "Lexa! Oh my gosh I'm so happy you're here!" Octavia squeezes the brunette. Lexa smiles before saying, "I told you I would be, just not this early. But there's a reason! It was to surprise you." Octavia is happy and Lexa ends up taking a seat next to Octavia, wondering why the other close friend of soon to be another Mrs. Woods isn't here. She shrugged it off as it was probably best left alone. Raven and Bellamy seem to be getting feelsy with their hands and Lexa takes it as her chance to make a run to the bathroom. Being back is all too overwhelming for her. 

Lexa makes her way to the bathroom, splashing her face with cold water, then grabbing a paper towel to dry her face off. She placed both her hands on the counter to keep herself steady. It was probably a bad idea to come back. Lexa could feel it in her gut that the night would only get worse. Leaving the bathroom she walked her way back to the table, almost making it before she saw her, sitting across from another girl, their hands together. Lexa's heart ached at the sight, but she had no reason to be upset. Lexa watched as the blonde talked happily to the other girl, she had long black hair and a slender figure. The blonde got on one knee and said those four words to the dark haired girl. The girl squealed and said yes. Lexa stood there frozen, it wasn't until Clarke looked up and their eyes met that Lexa darted off. For years she had been able to lock all these feelings away and the first night she's back, it all comes crashing down around her. 

The brunette was back in her hotel room, her phone didn't stop ringing and for one second she thought she would throw it out over the balcony. Clarke was getting married...to someone else who isn't her, all because she left five years ago and the blonde girl moved on. Lexa pretended to move on, dated a few other girls but none seem to work out. She had no reason to be upset, she never tried to fix things between them. Lost in her thoughts she didn't realize she was crying. "Lexa let me in please?" Octavia's voice interrupted her silent cries. Lexa opened the door and Octavia hugged the brunette tightly. "She's getting married O, why didn't anyone tell me she was?" Lexa managed to get out. Wiping her tears away. "Would it have made a difference if we told you? Would you still have come?" Octavia asked, her voice gentle. Lexa remained quiet because deep down she knew if they had told her, she wouldn't have come. Even though Lexa and Clarke stopped being friends, Octavia and Raven didn't. She didn't blame them, Clarke didn't do anything wrong. Lexa left, Lexa broke things off between them, because Lexa wanted Clarke to be happy. She didn't think Clarke could be with the brunette. Lexa was afraid to feel. "Look Lexa, Clarke took the break up between you two hard." Octavia said, not to make Lexa feel worse than she already does, but so the brunette knows that Clarke did care. 

**

Clarke couldn't wait for Nova to get off of work. Tonight was the night, the blonde was going to propose to her girlfriend of two years. She picked out the perfect ring, the most beautiful one she could find. She was happy, or that's what she told herself. Her friends have been acting weird well mostly Anya and Raven. Even though Anya was Lexa's sister that didn't stop the two from remaining friends. It's been five years since Lexa broke things off with her, three of those years were her worst. Her friends were constantly checking on her and a part of Clarke felt betrayed because they remained friends with the one who broke her heart. She didn't hold it against them because they were all friends. Nova had helped Clarke through the breakup process and after a long wait, asked the dark haired girl to be her girlfriend. She didn't make Clarke feel the way Lexa did, but at least she made her feel something, right? The blonde hasn't seen much of her friends since Nova and her became inseparable. Her friends weren't very fond of Nova, and maybe it's because she's more fancy with clothes or that she gets expensive things. 

Clarke waits patiently and as soon as Nova gets home she greets the dark haired girl in the kitchen. "Hey, how was work?" Clarke asked as she placed a gentle kiss to the girls lips. "It was just like it always is Clarke, nothing new." Nova replied. The blonde felt herself frown, but that didn't stop her from smiling. "Okay." Clarke whispered into Nova's ear. "We have dinner reservations tonight, and you can't cancel on me again." Clarke said, her eyes not leaving her phone. "Clarke it was one time I canceled, don't be so dramatic." Nova grumbled out. Clarke walked away upstairs to get ready and she let a few tears fall down her cheek. Wiping them away quickly she called Octavia. "CLARKE!" Her friend screamed, practically making Clarke flinch. "Hello Octavia." Clarke smiled. The blonde sat on her bed as she picked at her nails. Octavia broke the silence, "So you're coming to dinner with us tonight, right?" Clarke's eyes widened. Shit. She had forgotten that was tonight. "Sorry O, but I can't tonight. I made reservations for Nova and I. I totally forgot, I'm sorry. Don't worry I'll make it up to you!" Clarke rambled, feeling guilty for forgetting her best friends dinner tonight. Octavia and Clarke talked a few more moments before they hung up. 

With Nova and her both ready, they made it to the restaurant. Eating quietly and talking light heartedly to one another. It was almost time Clarke thought to herself. Clarke glanced up to see Nova was staring at her phone. The blonde didn't say anything, because she didn't want to start a fight. This was suppose to be a good night. After some time the dark haired girl reached for Clarke's hands, stroking the blondes palms. Clarke smiled and Nova returned one back. "So I know this is probably crazy..." Clarke trailed off, shifting in her seat. "But you helped me when things were tough and I appreciate that." Clarke finished before getting on one knee, "Nova, will you marry me?" The blonde smiled as she held out the beautiful ring. Nova squealed and said yes. Clarke was ecstatic and that quickly fades when she meets those green eyes she was so fond of, those same green eyes she fell so in love with. Clarke blinked, shocked and her eyes wide. It looks like she's seen a ghost, the brunette looked startled. A flash of pain in her eyes, but Lexa quickly masks it away. Clarke was snapped back to reality when Nova was squeezing her in a tight hug. Clarke looked up again and just like that the brunette was gone, the blonde watching her disappear into the crowd towards the door of the restaurant. 

**

Lexa woke the next morning, her eyes heavy and puffy from crying. She was so angry with herself, angry that she came back. Swinging her feet over the side of the bed she walks to the bathroom, her bare feet pads across the cold floor. Looking at the clock it reads '6:30am' and Lexa groans. It's not like she can sleep now, there is too much on her mind. A morning jog this early sounds good to her. The brunette ties her shoes and then heads down to the lobby. Quickly ducking out of the hotel. Lexa starts jogging, at a slow pace, and after awhile she finds herself in the one place she always came to as a kid, when the moon hung high in the sky with the stars shining around it. Taking a spot on the giant rock she holds her knees to her chest resting her chin on them. As a kid she remembers her mom saying, "when you feel lost Lexa, look at the stars because when the world is changing around you the stars remain the same. They keep on shining, the way people keep on living." She could hear her mother's voice as she whispered that quote out. Her mom had passed away a few years ago while she was gone, leaving Lexa's dad alone. She hasn't seen him since she's been back, but she doesn't know what to say to him. Lexa never called, she never came back here. Her tears fell rapidly down her cheeks. The cracking of branches made her jerk her head up. Lexa met those baby blue eyes she fell in love with and is still in love with. "What are you doing here, Clarke?" Lexa sounded harsher than she intended to. The blonde looked at her, the sadness in those green eyes. "I...uh was jogging and I always jog this way and sit and watch the sunrise but I guess I won't be doing that today." Clarke managed to get out. Lexa got up and wiped her tears away. "I was just leaving so by all means carry on with your routine." Lexa motioned for Clarke to take a seat on the rock she was just occupying. "I don't understand why you act like this. You're the one who called things off." Clarke says quietly. A lump forms in Lexa's throat and she tries to swallow it away...it doesn't work. "Act like what?" Lexa snapped, but instantly regretting it. Clarke looked away, before saying, "You act cold hearted, like nothing we've been through together matters. Like I didn't matter and maybe it's because you don't care..." The brunette turned her head. "I do care Clarke, but I made that choice with my head and not my heart." 

Just like before Lexa turned on her heel and left, but this time Clarke went after her. When she caught up, she grabbed Lexa's wrist and pulled her to a stop. "You don't get to do that Lexa. You don't get to be angry at me, you don't get to be upset. You left me Lexa, you called things off, not even explaining why. Three years Lexa, three torturous years I was broken. It took me that long to get over the pain. I was so lost, had so much time to run through every scenario as to why you didn't want me anymore. The day you left is the day I quit living, the day that I lost the most important person to me, the day I lost my best friend. I didn't get a choice of what I wanted, you decided that for me. " Clarke was crying now, Lexa too. The brunette didn't have anything to say, she's made a lot of mistakes and by far this one was the worst one she's ever made. "I'm sorry Clarke." Lexa chokes out, tears running down her cheeks. Her hands shaking, her legs weak, her head spinning in circles. "That's all you have to say?" Clarke asks pain evident on her face. "What do you want from me?" Lexa screams. "I wanted an explanation." Clarke whispers, turning away. Lexa watches her leave, losing all she had left to keep it together. The brunette is sobbing, crouched to the ground. Maybe she couldn't do this, maybe it was too soon for her to return. Maybe it's time to go back home, just maybe she can get through this. Lexa walks, not entirely sure where she's going but she keeps walking. It's dark out now and after hours of walking she ends up at her hotel room, pulling the key from her pocket she walks in. Looking at her phone she's left on her night stand, 118 text messages, 56 missed calls and 32 voicemails. All were from her friends, family, concerned and wondering where she was. Lexa didn't have it in her to reply. The brunette decided she was leaving tomorrow. She couldn't stay here any longer, she couldn't see Clarke, moved on, happy and engaged. She thought she could do it, see Clarke and be okay, but she can't. 

Lexa decided to call Raven, maybe she could give advice on this, highly doubtful. She was actually hoping Raven could convince her to stay. The brunette picks up her phone calling Raven. After three rings she hears, "OH NY GOD WOODS!! YOU'RE ALIVE!" Raven sounds relieved. "I didn't know I had all of you that worried." Lexa says nonchalantly. "Dude you were gone all day and no one could find you or get ahold of you. The only one to see you was Clarke and she just said she seen you early this morning." Raven rambled out with a slight pinch of an anger in her voice. "You talked to Clarke?" Lexa asks quietly. "Yeah and she told Octavia how you guys ran into each other on your morning jog." Lexa cleared her throat. "I called to tell you that I'm thinking about leaving...back home." Lexa said rather slow, as though Raven couldn't keep up. "You can't leave Lexa. You can't miss our best friends wedding." Raven hisses slightly crackling do to bad connection. "Raven I thought that I could come back and be okay with the choices I made, but I'm not okay. I made the worst mistake of my life when I left all those years ago. I still love her." Everything went silent, like Raven was thinking of something motivational to say. "Lex, you have to tell her how you feel and if you can't do that then you have to let her go. You want her to be happy don't you?" Lexa replied almost whispering "Yeah, that's all I ever wanted for her." The brunette lets out a sigh. "Then you have to let her go, you have to move on. You can't keep hurting yourself by holding on." Raven responds, and with that they hang up. Raven is right, she has to let her go, and that means she has to give Clarke the explanation she needed to hear. 

** 

Lexa stood at Clarke's door, this use to be their house. She still hadn't moved. Lexa gulped, her palms sweaty. She brings her shaking hand up to the door, knocking. The brunette waits a few moments before the door swings open. Clarke's standing there in just a white flannel type shirt. Lexa looks at her legs and then up to meet her eyes. "Oh um and I interrupting something?" Lexa mumbles out nervously. "No, not at all. I was just painting." Clarke replies just standing, staring at Lexa. "I was just wondering if we could talk? But I get it if you don't want to...I just... I need to do this for me, you know?" Lexa says looking at her shoes. "Would you like to come in or do you wanna talk right here? Preferably not please it's cold and I don't have pants on." Clarke chuckles. "Okay, it will only be a moment of your time. Then I'll be gone and you can get back to painting, Clarke." God Clarke loved the way Lexa said her name, she always has and probably always will. Lexa follows Clarke through the house and they sit at the bar stools. Lexa notices the blonde tapping her fingers on the counter. The brunette took in a breath of air before she started. "So earlier I was a jerk...you wanted an explanation and I'm here to give you one..." Lexa pauses and the blonde is just staring at her. "Clarke, the day I called things off is one I'll always regret, but you deserve to be happy and deserve a reason...when I left five years ago I was different, I thought that if I left it would be easier to forget that I had hurt you, easier to pretend I wasn't hurting...but I was. I left because I was running away. Running away from how I truly felt, I wasn't ready to admit that I had feelings. You see Clarke my whole life every time I would admit these feelings people leave, and I end up alone. I thought you couldn't hurt me if I left first." Lexa gulped, her heart pounding fast, her throat forming a lump. Tears threatening to fill her eyes and fall. Clarke just sat there, with her eyebrows furrowed, a small frown on her face. "I made a mistake, one that I'm going to have to live with. I didn't leave because I didn't want you...I so desperately wanted you, needed you....and that..that scared me because I needed you and at any given moment you could leave...so I left first before it would be more difficult." Lexa furrowed her eyebrows looking at her legs, tears falling one drop after another on her jeans. "Once I was gone, I didn't think I'd ever come back here....yet here I am...For you to be truly happy, I have to let you go, I have to let you live the life that you deserve. Octavia and Raven tells me Nova is good for you. I can't get in the way of you being happy so I gave you the explanation you needed to hear. I'm sorry Clarke, I wish that I could take back all the hurt and pain I caused you, but I can't and I'm so so sorry." Lexa's lip was quivering, with the back of her hand she wipes her eyes and gets up to leave. "Bye Clarke." 

The brunette turns and walks towards the door, placing her hand on the doorknob to leave. "Lexa wait." Clarke shouts, her feet padding across the tile floor. Lexa turned around to face Clarke. "What is it?" Clarke was face to face with Lexa, her breath blowing the stray strands of hair from the brunettes face. Lexa pressed to the door, not sure whether to move or stay still. "I don't want you to leave." The blonde whispers into Lexa's ear. Lexa gulps, looking from Clarke's eyes to her lips. Clarke closes the distance between them, the kiss slow and passionate and full of emotion. Lexa's hands move, her fingers running along the blondes thighs. Clarke whimpers, but the kiss doesn't break. Once they are out of breath they both pull apart. Clarke backs away a little bit, a confused look on her face. "I should go Clarke." Lexa says panting, trying to get air to her lungs. "Please don't leave. Please stay." Clarke pleads. It's like the blonde has no control over what she's saying or doing. "This isn't a good idea." Lexa says, her cheeks a light pink. "I don't know what's good anymore Lexa." Clarke says in a low voice. The blonde grabs Lexa's hand pulling her upstairs and pushing her against the wall once they get to Clarke's room, kissing her again, hard this time. Lexa's heart is pounding, butterflies in her stomach. This is what she's been dreaming about since the day she left. Clarke has her hips pressed to Lexa's and in this moment she just looks into her eyes, blue on green. Lust and desire in both of their eyes. Lexa finds her hands gripping Clarke's hips, her hand brushing against her panties. Clarke whimpers, "Please Lexa." And damn if Lexa didn't think that was the hottest thing she's ever heard. The brunette reaches her hand between Clarke's thighs, brushing her finger against the blondes clit. Clarke moans loudly, reaching to grab Lexa's hand to make sure the brunette didn't stop. A voice broke through the silence. "Clarke, I'm home!" Nova shouts. "Fuck." Clarke whispers. 

Lexa pulls her hand out of Clarke's panties and stands still watching as Clarke slips on some sweats, mouthing to Lexa to go into the bathroom and pretend to use it. "I'm upstairs Nov!" Clarke hollers back. Nova comes walking up the stairs just as Lexa exits out of the bathroom. "What is she doing here?" Nova snaps, sounding harsh. Clarke furrows her eyebrows at Nova. "She had come to get a few things for Octavia's wedding, you do know they are still friends." Clarke grumbles back. "I got what I came here for and now I'm leaving." Lexa says, forcing a fake smile. Clarke hears the front door shut and turns to her fiancé. "How was your day with your mother?" Clarke moves to kiss the dark haired girl's cheek. "It was fine, same as always. Now could you get me a drink babe?" Nova says batting her eyelashes at Clarke. Clarke smiles briefly. "Is that really a good idea Nova?" The blonde watches as her fiancé moves around her. "Just do what I ask Clarke. It's simple, I want a damn drink." Clarke nods, a sad smile on her lips. Was she truly happy with Nova? Or was it because Lexa was back and old feelings are resurfacing? Or was it because she was going to let Lexa fuck her? Or that Clarke actually wanted her to do it. Clarke loves Nova, loves what she's done for the blonde, but Clarke isn't sure she's in love with her. So many thoughts running through her head. Nova won't hurt you, not like Lexa has stuck out amongst her other thoughts. Clarke's mind wasn't betraying her, she knew it was true, she was safe with Nova. She got the drink Nova asked for and then climbed in bed. Clarke was at war with her head and her heart. She was in love with Lexa, no doubt about it, but Lexa broke her heart. Nova wouldn't do that, she's better off marrying Nova. She loves her fiance as well, just not the way she loves Lexa. Who can blame her? Lexa was the blondes first love, and Clarke solemnly believes the brunette is her soul mate. Lexa is indeed the only girl Clarke has ever truly been in love with. 

**  
Lexa stepped into the night, taking a huge breath of air. Things between her and Clarke escalated very quickly. The brunette didn't think she'd lose that much self-control, but she did. Lexa was overwhelmed with her emotions, her head spinning. She wanted to let Clarke go so the blonde could be happy. It was just a spur of the moment is what Lexa kept telling herself. They just got caught up in the moment, that's all it was. A moment of weakness, for both Lexa and Clarke. Lexa hugged herself as she walked back to her hotel room. The brunette takes in her surroundings as she walks further away from Clarke's house. The shadows of the streets, swaying with the light wind. The moon lighting a small path. Lexa had to move on, she had to forget what she once had. Leave the past in the past is what kept running through Lexa's head. She searched her pockets for her hotel key, her hands cold and numb. Where was her key? Did she drop it on the walk here? Lexa couldn't find it, not even in her purse. Grabbing for her phone once again her hands came up empty. Shit she thought. She lost her hotel key and her phone. Lexa sat down against her hotel room door, she didn't know what else she could do. It was midnight and there was no staff to help. Lexa soon drifted off into sleep, only to be woken up less than an hour later with a light tap on her shoulder. The brunette opened her eyes slowly, rubbing them as she yawned. Lexa looked up to meet Clarke's eyes. "Lex, you uh left your hotel key and phone at my house." The brunette got to her feet a little off balance when Clarke's hand caught Lexa's to keep her from falling over. "Thank you." Lexa said quietly. Grabbing her hotel key she opened the door and turned to the blonde, who just watched her silently. "Would you like to come in?" The brunette's eyes wandered those ocean blue ones. Clarke shook her head, "I can't...I just came to say goodbye." Lexa's eyebrows furrowed. "Are you leaving town Clarke?" The blonde gulped, "No Lexa....I just can't see you anymore. I can't let these old feelings resurface. I can't let myself get hurt by you again. If I don't say goodbye now, I don't think I'll ever be able to, but I have to do what's best for me and that is to stay far away from you." Tears were falling down Clarke's cheek and Lexa stopped herself from wiping them away. Lexa wanted to say don't leave me, but she couldn't do it, not again, not after she left Clarke. She was so tired of begging people to stay, so she let Clarke leave. Her heart breaking all over again. This isn't the first time and it probably won't be the last. People leave, she was one of them, but all the ones who left her before she met Clarke made an impact on the brunette. Was she so hard to love? The only one who truly loved her was Clarke but Lexa ruined all that the day she left the blonde. Lexa wants Clarke to be happy, so she will not see Clarke. It won't matter anyway because after Octavia and Lincoln's wedding Lexa would be gone...for good.


End file.
